Characters/Pairings: OC, Most nations
Genre: Crack + Humor + Family
Note: Complete crack and it was inspired by a DeviantART meme. Also, it's an AU.
Summary: Hello. The name's Kim and I come from a strange family. I wasn't brought up like a normal child. Nope, my story is a bit different. How is it different? Well how many kids do you know have family members from different parts of the world?
Posted at: calavasas + estorias
Chapters: Intro | Big Brothers | Parents | Uncles | Aunts
Chapter 1: 'Sup?
Hello there! I'm Kim, and I just turned eighteen a few days ago. I'm your average American teenage girl. Well, at least that's what you would think if you judged me solely on my appearance. Now I wasn't brought up the same way most American girls were. Oh no. My story is completely different.
Guess I should start with my full name. Most people know me as Kim, though my birth and legal name is Kimiko L. Jones. I got my first name from my mom, and my middle and last name from my dad. The initial "L" stands for "Liberty", a middle name courtesy of my dad. My mom chose the name "Kimiko" because it means "sovereign child" and my dad, before I was born, would tell my mom that I was going to be his little princess, thus where my first name came from. If you couldn't already tell, I'm half Japanese.
Eighteen years ago...
Aksel paced back and forth in the waiting room. He wanted to be in the delivery room with his parents, but the doctors would not allow it. Therefore, he was stuck waiting with his two younger brothers, Yong Soo and Feliciano.
"Stop pacing around like that!" Yong Soo told him. "You're making me nervous!"
"How the hell am I making you nervous?"
"You pacing around like that makes me think something bad is gonna happen!"
"Oh, come on guys," Feliciano said. "Don't think negatively! And don't fight!"
"But Feli!" Aksel told him. "Mom's small! What if...what if mom can't take giving birth?"
"Don't say things like that!" yelled Yong Soo. "Mom will be fine! Mom's a strong person!"
Feliciano smiled. "Yeah, Yong Soo is right Aksel! Mom will be okay. And so will the baby. You'll see."
Aksel sighed. "Well, alright then. I trust that mom and the baby will be okay."
The three brothers waited silently in the room along with the other people who were expecting a new edition to their families. Aksel kept bouncing his foot restlessly as he sat, Yong Soo tried to distract himself by playing his Gameboy Color, and Feliciano sketched some new clothing designs. The three were trying to do whatever they could to keep their minds off of any dreadful possibility.
Finally, the doctor came out of the doors and walked up to the brothers. The three immediately stood up.
"Doc! How is our mom? And the baby? Are they alright?" asked Aksel frantically.
"Oh don't you worry boys. Your mother is fine, and so is your new sibling."
The three beamed and Feliciano asked, "Can we see them now?"
"Yes, of course. Right this way."
They followed the doctor into the delivery room where their mother had been placed.
"Dad!" the three shouted. Their father looked up from his seat next to his wife, and smiled. At times he always acted like a big kid, but this was the first time in a long time Alfred gave off a paternal aura.
"Dad, can we...can we see the baby?" asked Aksel.
"Of course." He looked at his wife. "Wanna announce the big news, or should I?"
Kiku looked at him and smiled. "You may do it. I just...I just want to hold our new child."
Alfred stood up and grinned. "Boys, say hello to your new baby sister."
Feliciano gasped. "A girl! Oh, oh my god. It's a girl!"
"The first time we have a girl in the family!" exclaimed Yong Soo.
Aksel was at a loss for words. "Wow, I...I have a sister now."
Kiku looked at his sons and said, "Would you like to hold her?"
Feliciano and Yong Soo looked at Aksel. "What?"
"We think you should hold her first," Feliciano told him.
"You're the oldest out of the three of us," added Yong Soo.
Aksel smiled and walked up to the bed his mother was resting at. Alfred took the baby from his arms and gently gave her to Aksel. The Dane looked at her. "She's so...so tiny..." He moved a part of the blanket away so he could touch her fingers. The baby opened her eyes and looked at Aksel. She made a small noise and he felt her tiny hand close loosely around his pointer finger.
"She has your eyes dad."
"Mm hm. And she's got your mother's hair."
"Heh. I can already see that wild strand you're so famous for, even though it's really thin on her head." Aksel looked at his little sister one last time before handing her over to Yong Soo. He was speechless as well.
"A sister...we...we have a sister..."
Kiku chuckled. "Yes, the first female in our nuclear family."
"I wonder...if she'll like playing video games as much as I do."
"I'm pretty sure she will."
"Do you think she'll like me?"
"Yes, I'm positive."
Yong Soo smiled at the baby. "She has that new baby smell."
Alfred laughed and Kiku suppressed a giggle. Feliciano tapped his brother on the shoulder. "Oh, oh, can I hold her please?"
"Yeah, just...don't drop her."
"I won't. Promise."
Feliciano gathered his new sister in his arms and held her affectionately. "She's so cute. Oh, I can't wait to make dresses for her!" The baby looked up at Feliciano and made a small sound that he considered to be a giggle. He chuckled and then looked at his parents. "What are you gonna call her?"
Kiku thought for a few moments. "Well, I have had a name in my head for a while. Alfred, what do you think of 'Kimiko'? Does that sound like a good name?"
"Yep. But...uh...what does it mean? If you don't mind me asking of course!"
"It means 'sovereign child' and I chose it because, when you were here with me, and she was born, the minute the doctor told you that our baby was a girl, you had said, 'Oh, I'm gonna treat her like my little princess'. That's where the name came up."
Alfred smiled. "I think that's a wonderful name. Plus, Kim is a cute nickname! Say, let's give her a middle name too, just like her dad."
"Well, alright. Since I chose her first name, what name did you have in mind?"
"Yes, just like our great statue. She stands tall, and she stands strong. That's how I want our daughter to be."
Kiku smiled. "I think that's a great middle name for her."
"Heh, thanks." He looked at Feliciano who was still holding his newborn sister. Yong Soo and Aksel each took turns with him holding Kimiko's small hand. Kiku smiled and grabbed Alfred's hand, giving it a small squeeze. Alfred smiled back at him and kissed him on the head.
The blonde sighed happily as he rubbed his thumb against his spouse's hand. "Kimiko Liberty Jones. A unique name for a unique child from a unique family."
Now that I got that out of the way, the next thing you should know about are my parents. My dad was born in America, New York to be exact, except he moved to California some years ago. His name is Alfred F. Jones and he's practically the essence of America. I'm not kidding. He has so much American pride man. I mean, not that he's a jerk (at least I don't think so) but sometimes I wondered how he married my mom if he loves everything American. Guess having a romantic relationship with girls born in this country doesn't count, since my mom was born in Japan, and even mom seems to be the essence of said country.
My mom is named Kiku Honda, though now it's Kiku Jones. About my mom er well I call mom "mom" except mom isn't a "she". Mom is in fact, a guy. What in the world Yeah I know. It's weird, yet somehow my parents were still able to have a child and mom was still able to give birth to me. This should be on Ripley's Believe It or Not. I'm fricken serious But anyway, mom was born in Japan though he came here when he was young. So when dad met mom, they at first weren't very close, but gradually they started to become more acquainted with each other, eventually falling in love, marrying, and etcetera. Mom is actually a lot shorter than dad since mom only reaches up to his chest, and that's just barely too.
I get traits from both of my parents. I have mom's dark hair and it's about the same length, just a tad bit longer, but I also have dad's wild strand that sticks up even if I try to put gel on it which can be frustrating let me tell you. I have blue eyes like dad and I wear glasses like him too. I always have rosy cheeks just like mom does, which is adorable according to my dad and he fawns over us both because we're as cute as a button apparently. I'm not as short as my mom. I'm actually taller than him, though not as tall as dad. He's really huge! I haven't met any other dad as tall as mine, which is really awesome because when I was little, he'd sit me on his shoulders when we'd go to Disneyland and I could see everything. It was really great.
I have the fashion sense of my mom. I dress in a lot of bright clothing (though this attention-seeking trait could actually be from my dad since some people have called him an attention whore) and accessorize well with the things I wear when I go out. Yet when I'm at home, usually all I wear are long T-shirts and shorts. I really don't care what I wear when I'm at home to be honest with you. I mean, nobody except mom and dad are gonna see me anyway.
One day as I was lazing about at my house...
Kimiko was in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, her pink shirt and shorts stained with gel. She huffed as she tried to comb down the wild strand that stuck up from between her bangs. "Darn it!"
Kiku walked past the open bathroom door with a laundry basket in his hands. He looked at his daughter. "Kimiko, what are you doing?"
"Mommy, this wild strand won't go down!"
Her mother smiled. "It's not supposed to. You got that from your father."
"Yeah but it looks good on daddy! Not me!" She huffed again as she put more gel on her hair and continued to comb it down.
"Oh Kimiko, don't do that to your hair. And you're going to ruin your clothes."
"But mommy! It looks funny!"
"It does not. It looks very adorable."
"Kimiko, you are in elementary. Your hair doesn't really matter, or at least, it shouldn't. It looks cute on you."
The girl pouted and sat down on the closed toilet seat. "But I think it looks weird with long hair..."
Kiku walked into the bathroom and put the basket down. He crouched down in front of his daughter. "Well, I think it looks adorable. Daddy thinks it does too, and so do your big brothers."
"Yes, really." Kiku got two rubber bands and began fixing Kimiko's hair into pigtails. "Don't worry Kimiko. You look fine. You'll get used to that wild strand being there. And if you want, we can cut your hair shorter when you're older."
Kiku smoothed out the newly completed pigtails on his daughter's head. He cupped her face and kissed her forehead. She giggled. "Mommy, I'm hungry."
"I'll make you something to eat right now. I need to fold clothes."
"Can I help? Because...if I help, then you can cook faster."
Kiku laughed. "Of course you can help." The small man carried the basket again though this time with one arm and held Kimiko's hand as they walked out of the bathroom.
As for my interests again, I get those from my parents. Since both of them really love anime and manga, in turn, they made me like it since I was small. My first TV show ever was not Barney or even Sesame Street. It wasn't even Dragon Tails, Dora the Explorer, or Reading Rainbow. No, my first show was Hamtaro. Yes, a show about kawaii hamsters that can talk and teach you life lessons. Of course, having the parents I did, I immediately fell in love with this kind of animation form, therefore loving a lot of other series as I grew older, especially Pokemon (I swear I have every single game from that series). So even today, I still love anime and manga a lot, my parents not even minding since they're both otakus (probably one of the reasons why they fell in love in the first place), and one of my uncles, but we'll get to him later.
I love movies. I have watched so many that I can't even remember all of them. Though, I will never watch a horror movie ever again! I've watched a few and I am now forever traumatized by clowns and the static on the television screen. Dad and I absolutely hate horror movies so whenever we watch them, we always have to sleep together with mom to calm ourselves down. I would catch mom face-palming sometimes though. Oh, and I like to build stuff. Mom would always show me how to build stuff and be self-reliant. I thank him for that greatly.
Though this was an anime movie it still scared me...
"Guess what I haaaave ~ ?" Alfred asked as he came into the kitchen.
"Hmm? What is it Alfred?" asked Kiku.
"A new movie for us to watch as a family! Hey, where are the boys?"
"Aksel went to go watch a basketball game, Yong Soo is over at his friend's house playing a new video game, and Feliciano wanted to spend the weekend with his grandfather."
"Aww, they left you and Kimi alone?"
"No, they'll be back."
"Oh...okay. Guess there's more time for the three of us then! Kimi!"
The small girl smiled as she walked down the stairs. "Daddy!" She ran to him and he grabbed her, twirling her around.
"I have a new movie for us to watch!"
"Yup! It's called Spirited Away. I think you'll like it! It's an anime movie!"
"Yay! Mommy, can we watch it?"
"Yeah, mommy, can we?"
Kiku looked at his husband and his daughter. They both made puppy faces at him and he rolled his eyes but smiled. "Okay, we can watch the movie. Let me just finish these dishes."
Once they were done, Kiku joined his spouse and daughter in the living room. Alfred had already set up the movie. Soon after, they began to watch it. Kimiko looked at the television screen, her eyes wide with amazement. "Wow, that place looks cool. Can we go there someday daddy?"
"Sure we can!"
Of course, at certain points in the movie, Kimiko changed her mind whenever the creepy ghost Noface would appear. "DADDY! TH-THAT GHOST IS SCARING ME!"
"IT'S SCARING DADDY TOO!"
"MOMMY!" Kimiko clinged to her mom and buried her face into his chest. Alfred clinged to him and buried his face in his shoulder. Kiku sighed.
"Next time Alfred...make sure to bring home a movie that will not scare our child...and will not scare you either..."
I like sports, even though I spend a lot of my free time watching anime, reading manga, and drawing in that same style. I also waste my time on the internet doing absolutely nothing productive but, well, waste time. Anyway, I play sports with my dad. My mom isn't very athletic, though he loves to play baseball, so that was always our family sport. Dad even signed me up to play baseball at the park when I was old enough. I was on an all boys team and they'd tease me about it because I was the only girl. Hmph, I showed them when I hit home runs at the age of seven. That sure hurt their premature masculine pride! Oh yeah, and the only reason I was able to hit home runs was because well, I have a trait that is EXTREMELY rare for humans: I have abnormal human strength just like dad. Don't ask me how this happened, we just have it.
Those were the glory days...
"Yeah! Go Kim!" shouted Alfred from the stands. "That's my girl!"
Kimiko was able to reach first base. She waved at her parents and her brothers from the field.
"Wow, Kim's really good at this huh? And she's barely in T-Ball!" Aksel said.
"Yep, but that's because she's my daughter. Athleticism runs in our family!" Alfred crossed his arms and smiled. "Your mom may not be as athletic as the rest of us, but he runs fast and he's pretty good at baseball too! It makes me proud to see that even my daughter kicks some ass in sports!"
After Kimiko reached home base, she sat with the rest of her team mates in the dugout. "Good job Kimiko!" her coach told her. "You're doing well today!"
"Thank you! Daddy says I do good because we're an athletic family."
"Hmph, I bet the other team is just going easy on your whenever you go up because you're a girl," one of her teammates said.
"Yeah, they don't have girls on their team," said another.
"Now boys, leave Kimiko alone. She's done well for being in a boy's team and we need to be nice to each other. Okay?"
The boys just pouted and Kimiko stuck out her tongue. When it was finally her turn to go again, the opposing team began to taunt her.
"You shouldn't be here. I don't know why there's a girl playing. Is your team full of babies?"
"My team is awesome even though they can be fatheads to me sometimes! Your team is full of babies!"
"No! Our team doesn't have a girl playing for us. Your team probably sucks because that's why they let a girl in!"
"That doesn't make sense!"
"Well you're dumb and you have cooties!"
"No I don't! Mommy said those don't exist! And mommy also said that girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, while boys are made of worms, snails, and puppy dog tails. So...so you're the one that actually has cooties you fathead dumbo!"
The little boy growled. "Just hit the dumb ball dumb girl! But it probably won't go very far!"
Kimiko, for being a young child, got angry easily sometimes and it was during these bouts of anger where she sometimes surprised people. She walked up to the ball and swung very hard at it. The crowd gasped and was silent as the ball practically skyrocketed into the distance, landing somewhere far off into the park. Everyone focused their attention on Kimiko, even her family.
Aksel looked in the direction where the ball had flown. "Holy crap."
Feliciano was astounded, but noticing the silence and Kimiko's confused expression, he said, "Oh, yay Kimi! You hit the ball!"
Alfred catching on said, "That's my girl! Now run the bases!" He looked at Kiku excitedly. "Did you see that? Oh my God she has super strength just like her daddy! This is awesome!"
Getting encouragement from her family brought Kimiko back to her senses and she ran across all of the bases, reaching the home base. She stuck out her tongue at the boys who made fun of her. Then she sat down with her teammates again, the coach trying to register just exactly what had happened.
Dad was always proud of me. He didn't care if he had a daughter instead of a son, because I basically acted like one when I was small, except I wore a lot of dresses and cute colorful clothing since mom liked to dress me up a lot like a doll and take pictures. Yup, I was a tomboy and I was just like a son to dad until I hit puberty and I started gaining large tracts of land like one of my aunts, though thankfully they're not as large as hers. Good Lord, dad was super protective of me to the max after this happened. He would interrogate any of my guy friends that happened to be over at my house when both dad and mom weren't home.
This, needless to say, got annoying. Now while I love my dad very much, my rebellious streak would show when he went too far. Though dad is usually lenient with me, more serious matters would reveal his parental alter ego. Mom would take his side almost all the time. I know they're only doing this because they love me but
Really, it got annoying...
The girl had grown over the years and she was now in high school, ninth grade to be exact. Her hair had been cut shorter, just like Kiku had promised her, though it wasn't as short as she wanted it to be.
"Uhm...I think we need to go shopping again..."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because..." She showed him her bra that was in her hand. She looked a bit embarrassed."This one doesn't fit me anymore..."
"Oh good Lord...another one?" Kiku asked worriedly. He walked up to his daughter and took the undergarment from her. "The clip is busted..."
"Yeah I know..."
Kiku sighed and sat down on the bed, putting his head in his hands. Then he looked up at Kimiko and patted the space next to him. "Come here Kimiko. I need to talk to you."
The girl sat down next to her mother. "About what?"
"Well, showing me yet again another bra that doesn't fit is an indication that we need to have a serious talk."
"Mom, if it's about sex, don't worry. We've already had that discussion in school."
"No! It isn't about that!" He paused. "And I really do think parents should be the one to talk to you about such serious matters, not teachers." He shook his head. "Anyway-"
"I'm hoooome ~" Alfred's voice rang throughout the house. Kimiko heard her three older brothers greet him, and then she heard her father's footsteps coming up. The tall man found his spouse and his daughter in the bedroom. "Hello! And how are my wonderful cherry blossoms doing today?"
"Alfred," Kiku said as he got up and walked over to him. He said nothing but showed him the bra. Alfred took it and looked horrified. He looked at Kiku and then at his daughter and then back at Kiku again.
"But...but...but we just got her this size last year!"
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to buy a bigger size..." he replied with a sigh.
"Noooo! Kimiiii!" cried her father. "You can't do this to daddy!"
"What exactly am I doing?"
"Growing! In all the wrong places! I...I only wanted you to grow in height and intelligence. Not...not this way!"
"Dad, from what I know, girls are attractive when they grow in that area."
"You can be attractive even without that! You're my daughter after all so of course you're gonna be attractive!" Though Kiku loved that Alfred took such pride in his daughter, he really did wish he'd be more modest."Now I saw this coming in the past. Since daddy and your two brothers Aksel and Yong Soo are muscular, obviously you'd be...er...pronounced too, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly! You're only in ninth grade!"
"But auntie got a huge chest when she was in middle school!"
"And thank God you didn't!"
"Dad, the only reason I showed mom my broken bra is because I just need a bigger size! That's it!"
"Yes I know, but princess, do you know what will happen to you now?"
"No I don't to be honest..."
"Guys are gonna start being a problem."
"They're gonna...well you know..."
"No I don't know." Kimiko flopped down backwards on the bed. "Dad, look, I'm smart enough to know not to let a boy try to talk me into doing things I don't want to do. I'm not stupid."
"That isn't the point! They're gonna be swarming around you like flies!"
Aksel and his two younger brothers came upstairs. "Hey dad, what's all the commotion?"
"Your sister needs a bigger bra size."
"Dad!" Kimiko covered her chest. A blush appeared on her face. "Don't tell them!"
"Damn Kimi!" Yong Soo said. "Your boobs really are getting bigger!"
"Thank you Yong Soo. I was not aware of this."
"There's no need to be sarcastic about it!"
"Kimiii!" cried Feliciano. "Uwaaah! You're growing up too fast! Oh, now I have to adjust all those summer dresses I was beginning to make you! I'm gonna need to buy more elastic!"
The girl rolled over and covered her head with a pillow. Having a family with pure males sure could get annoying, especially when they didn't try to understand a female's point of view.
If that wasn't bad enough, my brothers would get on my case sometimes too, and not just with my increased bust size. Yeah, I have three older brothers. The eldest is Aksel, the middle one is Yong Soo, and the youngest is Feliciano. Aksel is Danish, Yong Soo is Korean, and Feli is Italian. So I have an American father, a Japanese mother, and three brothers who are Danish, Korean, and Italian. I really don't know how this is possible and I was too afraid to ask my parents about it because I didn't want to be weirded out more than I already was.
So yeah...my nuclear family would be:
Alfred (America) = Dad
Kiku (Japan) = Mom
Aksel (Denmark) = Oldest brother
Yong Soo (S. Korea) = Middle Brother
Feliciano (N. Italy) = Youngest Brother