☆ j u b i l e e 。 (calavasas) wrote,
☆ j u b i l e e 。
calavasas

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{Dare #3} Orlando, it's over man.

Dear Mr. Bloom,

I'm sorry, I just can't stand you. I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to become an item with you. I was out of my mind. I need to stop eating so much McDonald's. But anyway, I wanted to tell you that it's best if we break up. Seriously man. We wouldn't be good together. In fact, we'd be the most horrible couple in existence. IN HISTORY EVEN.

Please kindly leave me the fuck alone unless you want me to get the cops involved. You don't want that do you? It'll be bad for your image. I don't want some Hollywood star to be my future husband. I could care less about celebrities. They're all full of themselves.

I hate your accent too by the way. It's disgusting. And your hair. Can't you have a constant hair style? Why the hell do you have to keep changing it all the damn time? And you looked horrible when you did the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The pirate look doesn't suit you at all man. Get over it.

Yes, I'm dumping you Orlando. Don't worry. It's not me. It's you. You'd be more happy with somebody famous, somebody you co-starred with perhaps. I like guys who don't care about all that stuff and guys who are fun and sunny and hard-working.

Somebody like Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Yes, he makes me so happy. I don't know why I ever left him. But you know what they say: "You don't know what you have until it's gone." I'm never leaving Antonio ever again. He's my boyfriend and future hubby. I really do love him lots. His accent is better than yours by the way. Spanish accents for the fucking win.

He can cook really well too. He also teaches me how to dance. And he loves turtles! They're so cuuuute ~ ! Oh yeah, and he was a REAL pirate back in the day AND a conquistador! He also quit being a matador because he knows I don't like to see those poor bulls hurt so much. Now we spend time together near the ocean raising turtles on our turtle farm. He's such a sweetheart. One minute he can be like your best friend, and the next he's your sexy-ass Spanish lover.

Lovino? I taught him a thing or two about me. That machine gun I got for my birthday a few years back finally came in handy. ♥

So yeah Orlando. It's over. Leave me alone. You'll be happier with somebody else. Get the fuck out of my life. Toni's the only guy for me.


Sincerely, Jubilee



HA HA HA!
So this was another dare from hairspray in which I had to write a break-up letter to Orlando. XD
The dares are getting more crackish every time I don't even--
Tags: !meme, antonio, crack, lol
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